Choosing how to deal with frustration, stress In my second year of teaching high school, I was approached by a male student who said he had some personal problems. He told me that he would get drunk before school just to deal with the day-to-day rigger. I asked him to give me an example of some of the pressures he faced that caused him to seek alcohol as a solution.

He first told me that his home life was “f---ed” up. I told him, “I understand how you feel, but please watch your language.” He said, “OK.” He then told me his dad is no longer apart of his family’s life and his mom is dating a lot. Eager to help I asked, “What specifically is happening at home: Is your mom OK, is someone harming you or your siblings?” He said, “No, it disgusts me that my mom wants to replace my dad, and we don’t get to share in the decision.”

I paused for a minute, and then said, “You have not told me anything that is so wrong as to seek any drug as an outlet to cope with your situation.” I then asked, “Have you even talked with your mom and told her how you feel?” He said, “No.” I then asked him, “Are you afraid your mom would not listen and just disregard your feelings?” He replied, “I don’t know.” In a parental tone, I said, “Go home today, talk with your mom, and don’t come to school tomorrow drunk, Ok?”

I then went into solution mode and gave him the definitions of “stress” and “frustration.” Stress is when the body goes into flight mode instead of fight mode. In order to deal with “stress” you must first adopt a new way of thinking about the subject matter. What this means is any new or existing situation that causes you “stress” should now be considered an area of improvement, for which you are proactively seeking a positive and constructive solution.

Frustration is when you are in fight mode; however, you have not found the correct proactive solution. In others words, you are successfully coping with your mom’s dating life by communicating with her about your feelings. Also, think about how your school life has suffered as a result of being drunk at school. Remember, feeling frustrated is good, feeling stressed is no longer and option.

In my life, I have never felt the need to use drugs of any kind, although drugs were everywhere in my childhood neighborhood. Instead, I was chose to play sports so that drugs never occurred as an option to me. My coping strategies included sports, exercising, books, and now today, prayer.

When you use drugs to cope with your problems you’ve decided that you are not mature and intelligent enough to resolve problems yourself. Furthermore, you have chosen, for the rest of the world, what type of “contribution” you were going to make.

--Edy, Phoenix